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12. Butt Implants and Prince Harry

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This week Garrett and Yury have some dumb things to discuss, from circumcision, to the Royal Family, to butt implants gone weird in Florida (of course). They are joined this week by special guest host James Bundy to help with Fill In The Dumb.

Want to play the game? Call the FANDUMB line at 888-FAN-DUMB or reach out to us on social media. We are looking for next week’s guest now! You can also email the show at garrett@dumbweek.com or yury@dumbweek.com

 

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Episode Transcript

Voice Over: [00:00:00] It’s time for the this week is dumb podcast. A chance for you to disconnect from reality for a bit and hear about some of the dumb things that we found this week. Now, here are your hosts, Garrett and Yury.

Garrett: [00:00:14] Hi everybody. Welcome back. Episode number 12 of this week is dumb. It has been another hell of a dumb week.

Uh, Yury. What, what are we calling people this week? Do you, did you come up with a good name?

Yury: [00:00:24] Oh, this week they are the, uh, Uh, Dumbieana Jones.

Garrett: [00:00:28] You know, what I love about that is I can tell wholeheartedly you hadn’t thought about that until I actually brought it up because you had to think and like build something at the last minute, but I’m impressed with your improv skills, man. That was really good.

Yury: [00:00:38] Yeah. I, um, I impressed myself just now actually too.

Garrett: [00:00:41] Dumbieana Jones,

Yury: [00:00:42] Dumbieana Jones, and the temple of the forbidden dumbs.

Garrett: [00:00:46] So it’s like Indiana Jones and Dumbo had a child this week instead of Dumbo and Cinderella.

Yury: [00:00:51] Yeah, correct. Because Indiana Dumb doesn’t have that kind of ring to it.

Garrett: [00:00:54] Well, I mean, it still sounds all right,

Yury: [00:00:56] I’m going to keep working on it.

Garrett: [00:00:57] You’re supposed to be the creative one and I’m supposed to be the one that just talks and I’m starting to lose faith in your creativity.

Yury: [00:01:03] I’m going to kick my creativity notch up another. notch? Allow myself to introduce myself.

Garrett: [00:01:12] Speaking of introducing people, that was a really good segue Yury. I got to tell you, man, this week I was trying to figure out who we’d bring on for our guest host you know, we didn’t have a guest host last week.

Yury: [00:01:20] We didn’t have a guest host last week cause we didn’t have an episode last week.

Garrett: [00:01:23] Well, I wasn’t going to go there, but since you brought it up, we didn’t get a chance to record last week.

And Yury, do you want to tell people why we didn’t record

Yury: [00:01:30] Garrett got, uh, uh, circumcised.

Mazel Tov, Maza, muzzle.

Good, good things. God.

Garrett: [00:01:45] Well, despite what Yury may have said. Uh, we decided that we were going to take last week off because both Yury and I had regular things to do and well, frankly, we figured nobody would miss us if we were gone, you know.

Yury: [00:01:55] You know, it’s funny, I didn’t think when we talked about it, we said, okay, well let’s just skip the episode this week.

No, one’s going to care, but I got a bunch of texts. I got a bunch of messages from people asking what happened to the episode. Why there wasn’t an episode out.

Garrett: [00:02:09] Yeah. You’re not going to believe this. So, you know, I get maybe one to one to five messages a week on our Instagram DM this week, the DM like blew up.

Dude. There was like at least 30 messages from people asking us, Hey, where’s your episode? I went to the app, the store, and I couldn’t find your episode for this week. So I think we were actually missed.

Yury: [00:02:30] At least. I mean, I missed you.

Garrett: [00:02:31] I missed you too, man. I’m so glad to see you and to get to talk to you again, this is like the best part of my week.

Yury: [00:02:36] I think we just had a moment, man. Was that a moment? I think we just had a moment. It felt like a moment.

Garrett: [00:02:40] And now a moment with Garrett and Yury.

Yury: [00:02:42] Hey Man, It’s only awkward if we let it be.

Garrett: [00:02:44] It’s awkward.

Yury: [00:02:45] Well, now it’s awkward.

Garrett: [00:02:47] Let’s talk about guest hosts, not last week, but the episode before last week, we didn’t have a guest host.

You challenged me in fill in, the dumb Yury. Almost promised me 150 bucks, which by the way, I’m still pissed off. You didn’t tell me I could have won the money.

Yury: [00:02:59] It’s not my fault. You don’t have common sense.

Garrett: [00:03:01] Sometimes, I wonder why I do this with you.

Yury: [00:03:03] Hey, don’t forget about 45 seconds ago. We had a moment.

Garrett: [00:03:06] I don’t remember it.

Sorry. Anyway, I figured we should probably have a guest host this week. And so I started going through my Rolodex, you know, my Rolodex. I went through my meeting minutes.

Yury: [00:03:16] Nobody uses a Rolodex.

Garrett: [00:03:17] I use a Rolodex every day. Dude, it’s called my cell phone.

Yury: [00:03:19] No, but I’m talking about the old school Rolodex. The one that looks like a carnival wheel that you flip, like an artists like animation book, like

Garrett: [00:03:26] What’s wrong with a Rolodex dude?

I mean, that’s how you find people’s numbers that you need in quick fashion, right? I mean, there’s nothing that gets a quicker than that. Is there.

Yury: [00:03:34] Nothing’s wrong with the Rolodex. In fact, I might buy one on eBay. I bet you can find them when you eBay.

Garrett: [00:03:38] I am happy this week because despite all of the things going on, I was able to land us a guest that I think you will all really enjoy.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you to my oldest son, please help me welcome James to the show. James, welcome to this week is dumb and the sheer dumbness. That is our show.

Yury: [00:03:56] Hello James, welcome.

James: [00:03:58] Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Yury: [00:04:00] And first of all, I didn’t know you had a kid.

Garrett: [00:04:03] I have five kids, dude, this is my oldest.

Yury: [00:04:07] So tell me, James, what was it like? Growing up with Garrett as your father.

James: [00:04:11] I was told before, too. I can’t say anything incriminating about my father, so,

Yury: [00:04:17] okay. So there’s been some prep work. Legal counsel has prepped the witness

Garrett: [00:04:21] legal counsel or me, but let’s just go with legal counsel. No James, tell him what an amazing experience you had growing up with me as your dad.

It’s okay. You can tell him the truth.

Yury: [00:04:29] Why is your dad rubbing his thumb across his neck right now. What does that mean? I don’t know. I don’t like, I don’t like to look in your, eye Garrett.

James: [00:04:35] No matter what I say, it always ends up. It always comes back around and bites me right in the butt.

Yury: [00:04:40] Pretend let’s pretend he’s not here right now.

And you were going to sum him up in one word. What would it be?

James: [00:04:44] Fun but boring.

Yury: [00:04:47] Well, that completely summarizes the Bundy household. Cause I asked him to summarize in one word and he gave me three.

Garrett: [00:04:52] Hey, nobody ever said my kid was that smart. Okay.

Yury: [00:04:56] Well we’re happy to have you, James. Thanks for joining us this week

Garrett: [00:05:00] in dumb

Yury: [00:05:01] in dumbness.

James: [00:05:02] Yeah, of course.

Yury: [00:05:03] Well, I think we can make you president of the Dumbieana Jones’ club.

Garrett: [00:05:07] Do you have a whip?

James: [00:05:09] Sure.

Yury: [00:05:11] I hear, I hear like, I hear like a dog you’re like killing something right now. Is there a dog in the room or like a hungry toddler or something?

James: [00:05:18] Yeah, that’s my, uh, That’s my dog, Rosie. She has, she’s a beagle.

And, uh, I don’t know why, but she had a old, like allergic reaction to chicken. She’s allergic to chicken for some reason. And so one of her symptoms. Uh, she has now is like, she kind of has a hard time, like breathing almost

Yury: [00:05:41] You’re you’re aware the dog is allergic to chicken. So you continue to feed her chicken.

James: [00:05:46] No, I do not feed her chicken.

Garrett: [00:05:48] I think we should jump into our first story, this first story that I want to bring to the table here. I’m kind of worried you might be using this in the game. So let me know if I’ve, if I’ve jumped on something you already pulled up

Yury: [00:05:59] I might be, cause I got some zingers, uh, for the game today.

So, let’s see what you got.

Garrett: [00:06:04] Does your, does any of your stories have to do with Prince Harry?

Yury: [00:06:06] They do not.

Garrett: [00:06:07] Ah, okay. Good Prince Harry, you know, the whole Royal family they’ve been in the news again, they’re always in the news. He has a new job and, uh, as part of his new job, his new job role is called the chief impact officer at a mental health startup business.

Okay. So there’s this startup business. He’s a part of, it’s called better up. And he’s the chief impact officer

Yury: [00:06:29] say that three times fast

Garrett: [00:06:31] chief impact officer chief impact officer chief impact officer. Well, it’s funny you say that Yury because the story has to do with the shortening of that name and when they shorten his job title, they sometimes refer to it as, CHIMPO.

Yury: [00:06:44] I’m sorry.

Garrett: [00:06:45] C H I M P O

Yury: [00:06:46] CHIMPO?

Garrett: [00:06:47] CHIMPO, chief impact officer.

Yury: [00:06:49] That is so stupid.

Garrett: [00:06:50] It is stupid, but you know what makes it even stupider than that? The folks on social media from Japan got ahold of this and they’re, well, let’s just say they’re laughing and here’s why in Japan, the word CHIMPO is slang, for penis.

Yury: [00:07:12] So, first of all, aside from that, how, how does the term CHIMPO demand any kind of like respect, admiration.

Garrett: [00:07:22] You know, you know, you’ve got your CIO, you’ve got your CEO, you’ve got your CTO, your CFO now you’ve got your CHIMPO.

Yury: [00:07:28] Have you run this by the CHIMPO? Is the CHIMPO aware of these policy changes?

Garrett: [00:07:32] So apparently social media has really just gone ablaze with this because I’m guessing Prince Harry had no idea that this was a thing, but somehow now I’m thinking they’re probably going to have to come up with a different way to shorten his job title.

Yury: [00:07:47] They can just call him tit head. Can you imagine when the crowds get unruly and they start attacking the building and they call away for security and they’re like notify the fast action response team.

Garrett: [00:07:57] Oh, you mean the FART team? Hey, FART team. You better go get the CHIMPO out.

Yury: [00:08:01] Perfect. I think we should just jump right into our game.

I’m pretty, uh, pretty excited about the questions that I’ve gathered from internet sources. Throughout the internets.

I think. Being a listener of our show. You are quite aware of how our game fill in the dumb works. Are you not?

James: [00:08:27] Yes, I am.

Yury: [00:08:28] Perfect. I’m going to give you the rules regardless for anyone that might be starting to listen to us today, I’m going to read headlines. These are actual news headlines. I didn’t make them up.

As I read the headlines, I’m going to leave a one word blank and I’m going to give you three multiple choice answers. And between you and Garrett. It’s going to be up to you guys through process of elimination to try and determine which is the correct word that completes the dumb headline. Are you ready, James?

James: [00:08:53] Sure.

Yury: [00:08:54] Are you ready, Garrett?

Garrett: [00:08:55] I am. I was born ready. I’m going to kick the shit out of my son in this game this week. Go ahead. Right?

Yury: [00:09:03] Cool. Little father, son, father, son, competitiveness.

Garrett: [00:09:06] This is going to be the first time I win James. Just so you know, you’re going down.

Yury: [00:09:10] Starting in Florida.

Garrett: [00:09:12] Of course.

Yury: [00:09:13] Obviously it’s always Florida in Florida.

A woman survives after a blank, came flying through her windshield. And your possible answers are an airplane landing gear, weather balloon components, or a turtle. And James being the guest host, we’re going to start with you.

James: [00:09:33] Okay. So it’s in Florida.

Yury: [00:09:35] It’s in Florida. So any, any of these are plausible,

James: [00:09:37] I mean, a turtle to me sounds like something that would happen in Florida, just because of the ocean life being so close to the ocean.

Yury: [00:09:46] I like where you’re going with this already.

He’s putting a lot more thought into this then Garrett does.

James: [00:09:50] You know what, I feel like it’s, I feel like it’s landing gear. And the reason why I say this is because there’s no way a turtle, less a turtle is packed into an airplane in a tank. There’s no way a turtle is flying out of the air into a, what is it?

Window?

Yury: [00:10:06] A Florida woman’s survives after a blank came flying through her windshield an airplane landing gear, weather balloon components, or a turtle.

James: [00:10:16] Yeah. I’m going to have to go with landing gear.

Yury: [00:10:18] So James locks in with an airplane landing gear, moving it over to Garrett. What are your thoughts?

Garrett: [00:10:23] Well, my thoughts are I’m super confused because it sounded that entire time, like he was going to go with turtle.

Like he was explaining

Yury: [00:10:29] it, like you’re going to go with turtle. You’re like, well, you know, turtle it’s by the ocean. It makes sense. A turtle could be out on a freeway. There by the beach. Uh, yeah, I’m going to lock it in airplane landing gear.

Garrett: [00:10:40] I mean, that’s exactly what just happened. All right. So James is saying it’s airplane landing gear, which again, it’s Florida. Can I ask a followup question Yury?

Yury: [00:10:49] Sure. Of course.

Garrett: [00:10:50] What city was this in, in Florida?

Yury: [00:10:52] Sarasota. I could either have known that, or I just made that up.

Garrett: [00:10:55] Sarasota, is Sarasota near an airport? That’s the question, you know, back in the day when I was in the Navy, I was actually stationed in Orlando and that’s where I took my very first flying lesson was at an airport right outside of Orlando.

Yury: [00:11:08] Nobody gets stationed at Disney world. It’s not a real thing.

Garrett: [00:11:11] Dude. I was stationed at Naval nuclear power training center in Orlando before they shut it down and turned it into senior housing dude.

Yury: [00:11:17] Or did they turn it into splash mountain? There’s a difference.

Garrett: [00:11:20] Pretty sure it was splash mountain. I think you got me on that one.

Yury: [00:11:23] Continue.

Garrett: [00:11:24] All right. Uh, so is there an airport? I don’t think there’s an airport in Sarasota. I could be wrong. So I’m going to

Yury: [00:11:30] airplanes flying everywhere, though. What does have to do with anything?

Garrett: [00:11:33] If an airplane landing gear comes through somebody’s windshield, I’m hoping the pilot was on like final approach and like just got too low or something

Yury: [00:11:41] Touche Touche

Garrett: [00:11:42] A weather balloon components or a turtle. James is right. There’s definitely turtles by there. And I’m starting to think that turtle probably is the right answer because I think maybe. The car might’ve like hit the turtle shell and caused the turtle shell to fly up and fly through the girl’s window. So I’m going to lock in with turtle Yury.

Okay.

Yury: [00:12:02] Garrett locks in on turtle basing all Florida freeways to be mimics of Mario Kart. In Florida, a 70 year old woman riding with her daughter on Florida’s interstate 95, suffered a gashed forehead Wednesday when a turtle smashed through their windshield. Yeah, that’s what I, her. And this actually didn’t happen in Sarasota.

It happened in Daytona. Uh, Sarasota was just the first one I can think of when you put me on the spot like that.

Garrett: [00:12:28] You’re welcome.

Yury: [00:12:28] When they stopped the car, they said there’s a turtle in there. A man can be overheard saying, and the daughter exclaimed a turtle, like an actual turtle.

Garrett: [00:12:38] No, no, no daughter. It was a teenage mutant Ninja turtle.

That’s how it got through the windshield. Hold on.

Yury: [00:12:43] Figurative turtle.

Garrett: [00:12:44] Who was this man that they’re talking about? That that’s overheard because you said it’s a woman in the car with her daughter. Who’s this guy in the article.

Yury: [00:12:52] It was, uh, he was the turtle handler. They were filming a movie about turtles.

Garrett: [00:12:55] Now. It all makes sense.

Yury: [00:12:56] I just made, I made all, I just made all that up too. I. I have no idea who the actual man was. It just says, man, so he’s not credited very well, according to the ending credits of this article.

Garrett: [00:13:05] So what you’re saying is the journalism quality in this article piece is that top-notch quality .

Yury: [00:13:10] Top-notch top-notch

Garrett: [00:13:12] Hey James, that’s one point for me, sir.

James: [00:13:14] Actually, Yury decides, who gets the point, you don’t.

Yury: [00:13:17] Oh man. James knows the podcast better than my own cohost. Well-played James. Well Played.

Moving it over to Russia. In Russia, a 24 year old woman in Russia married her blank. And your possible answers are briefcase,

Garrett: [00:13:38] ..Uh, you can just stop. I’m going to pick briefcase, but

Yury: [00:13:44] Her dog.

Garrett: [00:13:45] Oh shit. Okay.

Yury: [00:13:46] Or her biologic sister again for the second question, James, I’m going to shoot it over to you.

James: [00:13:51] No it’s Russia.

So anything can necessarily happen.

Yury: [00:13:55] Any of these around the table. In fact, you can add, you can add your own answers too, and they’ll probably be correct.

James: [00:14:00] Probably there’s. There has to be at least somebody who’s done married, everything in Russia.

Yury: [00:14:06] Um, her sister holding a dog who showed up with a suitcase.

James: [00:14:09] Follow-up question. Is it an inanimate object?

Garrett: [00:14:12] You can’t ask that question that takes away some of the answers. I call bullshit. That’s cheating. Nope. Don’t answer that question. Yury.

Yury: [00:14:22] We need, we need judges on this one. Cause it is a good follow-up question, but I feel like it would eliminate half the answers if I leaned one way or the other on that.

Garrett: [00:14:31] Quick question for you. If there’s three answers, how do you eliminate one and a half of them?

Yury: [00:14:36] Because I didn’t want to say a third because I’m, I felt that that might lead you one way or the other.

Garrett: [00:14:42] What if you said it eliminates two-thirds.

Yury: [00:14:44] Okay. It eliminates a third or two thirds of the question. Judges is ruling on this.

Garrett: [00:14:49] So basically, James, what we’re saying is you can’t ask that question, keep moving on.

Yury: [00:14:53] How about this? Uh, it is an inanimate object if you’re considering briefcase her dog and biological sister as inanimate objects.

Garrett: [00:15:01] And it’s Russia. So it’s probably true.

Yury: [00:15:02] Yeah, all three of those things could be inanimate objects in Russia. I’m assuming

Garrett: [00:15:07] We gotta be really careful about this because we were number like 74 in the Ukraine is the Ukraine part of Russia.

Yury: [00:15:12] The Ukraine used to be part of the Soviet union. And when the Soviet union fell, they gave everyone their own countries back.

Garrett: [00:15:20] And that was a little history lesson from this week is dumb.

James: [00:15:24] Um, if somebody married a sister, I mean, that would sound too much of common sense.

Garrett: [00:15:31] I’m sorry. I’m going to have to stop you right there.

How is marrying your sister common sense?

Yury: [00:15:35] I think it’s a geographic thing, you know, it depends on where you are in the world

James: [00:15:39] because. Okay. We’re talking about this week is dumb and these questions are dumb questions. So if you think about it, that one just makes a little too much sense.

Garrett: [00:15:50] So what you’re saying is it’s too obvious.

James: [00:15:52] It’s too obvious.

Yury: [00:15:54] Okay.

James: [00:15:55] So now that leaves me with briefcase and what else?

Yury: [00:15:58] Her dog.

James: [00:16:00] Her dog, uh, I mean, I could see that happening anywhere in the world. Um, so I’m gonna have to go with briefcase,

Yury: [00:16:08] James locks in, uh, with the briefcase and Garrett shooting it over to you.

Garrett: [00:16:12] First of all, I just want to point out that, that, uh, Yury, just so you know, James just called your questions dumb. He did mention that.

Yury: [00:16:19] So it does relate to the theme of the podcast. So I’m okay with it.

Garrett: [00:16:23] No, no, no. He called your question’s dumb. I’m trying to bribe you so that I get more points this week.

Yury: [00:16:28] I, I feel the need to step to the defense of the president of the Dumbieana Jones club.

James: [00:16:33] That’s right.

Yury: [00:16:33] I don’t know. I don’t appreciate your hostel tone, Garrett.

Garrett: [00:16:35] Oh, you want hostile tone? I’ll give you a hostile, fucking tone.

James: [00:16:39] Hey, don’t worry. It’s not as hostile as you think it is.

Garrett: [00:16:42] All right. So did it say how old, the woman was?

Yury: [00:16:46] In the headline 24 year old woman in Russia and married her blank

Garrett: [00:16:48] 24 year old,. I’m sorry, like you asked the question so long ago, cause it took James so long to get to his answer. I totally forgot the article title.

24 year old woman briefcase, her dog or biological sister. James, after his lovely dissertation of marrying a sister and a dog went with briefcase,  yes. Right?

Yury: [00:17:08] Yeah.

Garrett: [00:17:08] It is Russia.

Yury: [00:17:09] It is Russia.

Garrett: [00:17:10] Yeah. And so I think I’m going to have to go with dog for no other reason than I hear.

They like to marry dogs in Russia is that a thing?

Yury: [00:17:18] Uh, it is a thing, but what they find is a lot of dogs are allergic to chicken and they have allergic reactions and oftentimes marriage clears that up.

Garrett: [00:17:26] But it’s okay. Because all dogs go to heaven, Yury.

Yury: [00:17:29] In Russia, yeah. All right. Well, in Russia, a woman married her briefcase.

Garrett: [00:17:33] Oh my God.

Yury: [00:17:34] A woman who says she’s romantically, attracted to objects has opened up about marrying a briefcase and says her new husband is the love of her life. The actual line says she sharing her story to help raise awareness about Objectum, sexual people. That’s not a thing. And to break the stigma.

Garrett: [00:17:49] Did you ever hear or see that show called my strange addiction?

Yury: [00:17:52] Yeah. Is that the one where people like. I’m addicted to drinking two cups of gasoline a day.

Garrett: [00:17:57] Yeah. Or, uh,

James: [00:17:59] eating dryer sheets,

Garrett: [00:18:00] Eating dryer sheets, yeah.

Yury: [00:18:01] Or every hour I have to lick the vacuum cleaner.

Garrett: [00:18:03] Yeah. That reminds me so much of that show. And don’t ask why I watched that show.

I’m pretty sure my other kids, not James Jameson watched that show, but I’m pretty sure my other kids watch that show at some point, but there was some, weird shit going on in that show. And that totally reminds me of this.

Yury: [00:18:17] There’s a scientific name for those people, you know that?

Garrett: [00:18:18] What is it?

Yury: [00:18:19] Weirdos.

That’s what 10 points for James already.

Garrett: [00:18:24] Hold the phone stop. No, no, no, no, no. It’s one, one. We are tied at one point a piece.

Yury: [00:18:30] Well, the first two questions meant nothing. The last question is a bonus round. A winner of this gets 500 points and you only need 400 to win. So, uh, last question in Florida, again, shocking in Florida, a woman broadcasted video of blank, during her zoom courtroom hearing. And your possible answers are herself doing drugs.

Garrett: [00:18:55] God, I hope that’s the answer. Go ahead.

Yury: [00:18:57] Attempting to escape jail on the jail cam or herself administering a butt injection to a patient. Garrett for the final one. We’re going to start with you.

Garrett: [00:19:08] Interesting. Uh, so a woman in Florida video while she was attending court.

Yury: [00:19:14] Yeah. It’s COVID so a lot of things are being done via zoom, so that virtual court, virtual court Vort uh, in Florida, a woman broadcasts. The video of,

Garrett: [00:19:23] Is that, is that a thing  can we make that a thing and like copyright and see if we can get money from that?

Yury: [00:19:28] Yeah, we’ll just start charging, you know, court court

Garrett: [00:19:31] Court costs that’s in, that’s in everybody’s court costs.

Now it’s a vort cost.

Yury: [00:19:34] We have to add the word TM next to the word vort.

Garrett: [00:19:36] All right, so, doing drugs, attempting to escape from a jail on a jail cam or butt injection for a patient? Correct? What, uh, what city was this in? Yury?

Yury: [00:19:50] Uh, Florida.

Garrett: [00:19:50] I’m sorry. What city in Florida?

Yury: [00:19:52] There’s a city in Florida called Florida.

Garrett: [00:19:54] Shut up. Really?

Yury: [00:19:55] Yeah, like New York, New York. There’s a city called Florida, Florida.

Garrett: [00:19:57] That’s a casino in Vegas though.

Yury: [00:19:59] Yeah. Okay. I’m kidding. It’s actually, it’s actually Miami it’s Miami, Florida. There’s no Florida, Florida.

Garrett: [00:20:03] Swear to God.

Yury: [00:20:06] It sounded good though.

Garrett: [00:20:08] It sounded good. And you had me going, I actually believed you.

All right. You know, I honestly have no idea. I think the attempting to escape the jail on a camera is just far too dumb. And I don’t know how you came up with that, but kudos to you. Maybe if you could use some of that creativity towards coming up with a real name for our listeners, that would be a better use of that creative juice, but I’m going to go with doing drugs because it’s Florida.

And I’m just going to say she was doing drugs while she was on her court. Zoom locking it in final answer.

Yury: [00:20:36] All right. Doing drugs, during her court, zoom hearing. And James, what are your thoughts on, uh,

James: [00:20:42] Miami, Florida? The only thing I know Miami for since I’ve actually never been there is plastic surgery.

And I’m assuming since it was on zoom, this person was most likely at work. So I’m going to go with, butt injection on the patient.

Yury: [00:20:59] James locks in with, butt injection, well, a Florida nurse inadvertently broadcasted herself, giving a patient a butt injection, while waiting for her virtual court hearing to begin.

Garrett: [00:21:10] You know, there should be like, I think this should be a recurring website somewhere.

Yury: [00:21:14] Butt injection court hearing.com or vort butts.com.

Garrett: [00:21:20] No, but like, think about all the dumb things people have done with zoom. There was that other doctor who was in the, OR that was doing surgery while he went into zoom, there was that person, lawyer who got stuck, like going to cat filter or something and couldn’t turn the cat filter off.

Yury: [00:21:34] That’s the most entertaining two minutes of your life you’ll ever see if you have a minute to go look at that video of the attorney, uh, with a cat filter on it’s great, but you know what?

I it’s, it, it’s not farfetched because we’ve all had moments in our life where we’d done something really stupid. And you get that deer in headlights where you’re like, is there a camera on me right now? Like, is there a web cam on is my, one of the worst is when you’re like doing something and you. You ever like butt dialed someone or FaceTime someone accidentally.

And you’re like, I don’t, I don’t know why I’m talking to you right now. Face to face. I didn’t mean to do that, but it’s good to talk to you. Bye bye.

Garrett: [00:22:07] And how about when you have a mic pack on cause you’re at like a conference or something and you’re presenting and you forget to turn it off and the sound guy goes to fuck with you and leaves it on when you go to the bathroom.

Not that that’s ever happened to me, but I’ve heard that’s pretty embarrassing

Yury: [00:22:20] Speaking from a friend

Garrett: [00:22:21] Yury, who won?

Yury: [00:22:22] Oh, James James won, natural

Garrett: [00:22:23] What?

Yury: [00:22:24] Yeah. James was the winner

James: [00:22:25] Yeah,two to one,

Yury: [00:22:26] Two to one.

Garrett: [00:22:27] All of a sudden it’s two to one, not 500 points.

Yury: [00:22:29] Yeah. He got the, uh, he got the butt injection question. I’d say that five times fast, butt injection question sounds like a Dr. Seuss book.

Garrett: [00:22:41] Well, you know what? Yury, we finished fill in the dumb in Florida. So what do you say, should we stay in Florida for our next story? I’ll tell you what I’m going to give you your choice and why don’t you pick what my last story is. Okay?

Yury: [00:22:51] Okay.

Garrett: [00:22:52] I’ll give you the headlines. You tell me which one you want. And then maybe I’ll ask James his opinion too.

Alright, First one, Florida, witch swindles victims out of a hundred thousand dollars by promising to cleanse their cash. The second one is spa owner charged after a vampire facial clients, test positive for HIV.

Yury: [00:23:08] I’m sorry, say that one one more time. That was a lot of words.

Garrett: [00:23:10] Spa owner is charged after vampire facial clients, test positive for HIV.

Yury: [00:23:16] Okay.

Garrett: [00:23:17] And the third one is burglar pleads guilty after downloading porn during break-in leaving semen on laptop.

Yury: [00:23:23] Oh, I like the vampire one.

Garrett: [00:23:25] James, do you have an opinion?

James: [00:23:26] No. I would say go to the vampire one.

Garrett: [00:23:29] I was going to tell you, and if you had opinion, I didn’t care. And I was just going to do whatever Yury he said, because he’s the boss of the show.

Yury: [00:23:34] Damn right.

James: [00:23:35] But I thought I’m the president

Yury: [00:23:37] of the Dumbieana Jones club.

Garrett: [00:23:40] You can’t even remember what to say.

Yury: [00:23:42] I’m still thinking about butt injection question.

Garrett: [00:23:46] So we’ve gone from butt injections now to a Spa owner. So let’s talk about a spa owner being charged after vampire facial clients, test positive for HIV.

So this time. Taking us, and they’re not in Florida anymore because you picked this story. So now we’re in New Mexico where the former owner has been charged with two dozen felonies. After two of her clients have tested positive for HIV, following a procedure that she built called a vampire facial.

Yury: [00:24:12] That’s a lot of felonies by the way, two dozen felonies.

You ever been convicted of a felony? Have I? Two dozen of them!

Garrett: [00:24:17] Convicted? No, never convicted. Like if somebody gets charged with two dozen felonies, isn’t the goal just to like convict them on one and then the prosecutor’s happy isn’t that the way it works?

Yury: [00:24:26] I, I’m not an attorney, but like, I guess you want to stack the odds in your favor.

Like how many felonies you going to charge him with 107?

Garrett: [00:24:33] And if one of them sticks, I’ll be happy.

Yury: [00:24:34] Yeah. One of one of them is good.

Garrett: [00:24:36] So I guess this procedure, basically they take a small amount of blood. And then they spin that blood in one of those fancy little spinny do Hickey machines. I don’t know what they’re called centrifuge.

Oh, they’re called a centrifuge. Damn it. I got it.

Yury: [00:24:46] I like do hickey machine better. And I thought that sounded more legit.

Garrett: [00:24:49] Well, they spin it in the do Hickey machine to extract the plasma. Then the plasma is then injected back into the person’s face. It’s supposed to stimulate healing, promote growth of healthy skin cells.

It’s all this new age stuff. Like what can we charge people to do now? Right? Yeah. Well, Health inspectors actually shut down the spa back in September of 2018. After the inspection found numerous health and safety violations, including, unwrapped needles and fake certificates claiming she was licensed to perform Botox and vampire facials.

Yury: [00:25:23] I mean, shouldn’t, isn’t it up to you to do your own due process when you’re, when you’re researching companies that are going to do something like this, I know I’m going to need a little more than a nicely framed certificate, you know, with a Microsoft word, art that shows what school allowed you to do hickey my blood. in a, do hickey machine and do hickey it back into my face.

Garrett: [00:25:42] I mean, she actually told the inspectors that the tubing used for the injections was not cleaned in between each use. Now I’m just imagining the Yelp reviews for this place, right? I mean, can you imagine somebody going in and writing a Yelp review for this.

Yury: [00:25:57] Came in for a smile, came out with hepatitis C

Voice Over: [00:25:59] It’s time for the Dummy of the Week, Oh who will it be? Let’s find out!

Yury: [00:26:08] So, our dummy of the week. This week. Isn’t actually quite a dummy because as I read the article, honestly, this really could have happened to anybody, but it’s still comical, nevertheless, because nobody was actually hurt and she’s fine.

Basically a woman glued her eyes shut after mistaking nail glue for eyedrops.

Garrett: [00:26:27] Hold the phone, what?

Yury: [00:26:29] She glued her eye shut after mistaking nail glue for eyedrops. Now I looked at the pictures and no joke, they look the same. So whatever nail glue company, this is, I see a lawsuit coming because it’s, it’s very similar.

And basically she woke up in the middle of the night and decided that she wanted to take a contact lens out of her eye. She decides before I take the contact out, I want to lubricate my eye. It’s a thing. Sometimes you have dry eyes and you want to lubricate your eye. So she reaches into her purse and pulls out the little bottle, puts a drop in and immediately realizes something went wrong.

Her eye glued shut. She starts freaking out panicking, yelling at her husband to call nine one one. She goes to the hospital and they ended up opening her eye lid again, and they get the contact lens out. Let me tell you the only reason they said she’s not blind or lost her eye is because of that contact lens.

It basically shielded her eye, but nevertheless, Everybody’s got crazy glue stuck on their fingers, right? You’ve like glued your fingers accidentally together or something. That’s stuff is a bitch to get off. It is not easy. It can even give, just getting it on. My two fingers kind of gives you a little panic attack.

Like that’s it. My fingers are going to be like this forever. She got it in her eyeball man.

Garrett: [00:27:42] With all the stories lately about super glue? We had the gorilla glue person and we had the guy who glued the cup to his nose or his tongue and had to have it cut off.

Yury: [00:27:51] And if I was a marketing guy for the, uh, Superglue company.

I would put like little. Micro spikes on the outside of the bottle so that when you grabbed it by hand, it would like hurt your fingers a little bit because it gives you a taste of what it’s going to feel like. If you put this shit in your goddamn eyes.

 That was the dummy

Voice Over: [00:28:10] of the week!

Garrett: [00:28:11] Oh, hold on. I saw something really funny today.

I’m trying to find it. And it was about a woman’s purse. No, it was some, it was something like a woman woman asked you to get something from her purse. And then when you get in your hand in there, she’s like, all right, take the first. Right. Followed by the second left around the tampon to the third, right where the lip glosses, I mean, have you ever been inside a woman’s purse dude because women carry a ton of things in their purse.

Yury: [00:28:35] I’m jealous that, they carry purses. I shouldn’t be jealous. Cause I guess men can carry purses too.

Garrett: [00:28:42] Nobody’s going to judge you.

James: [00:28:43] I just keep everything in my pockets. Yeah.

Yury: [00:28:46] Yeah. And then you just kind of look like you have like the, uh, you look like a penguin because all your pockets are sticking out.

Especially if you have cargo pockets.

Garrett: [00:28:53] Yeah. He’s, he’s not lying, dude. When we did our last family photo shoot and we had to literally bring a garbage bag to put all of his shit in so that he could take pictures without having a bunch of stuff in his pockets. It’s no joke.

Yury: [00:29:05] Let’s play a new game called what is in James’s pockets right now.

Garrett: [00:29:08] Let’s do it. James. What’s in your pockets right now?

Yury: [00:29:10] No, we’ve got to guess we’ve got a guess a guess well, we got to guess actually, before we start, do you actually have anything in your pockets right now?

James: [00:29:18] Yeah.

Yury: [00:29:18] Okay. So the game will be, if we can at least, guess one item that’s in his pocket right now, we’ll declare that a win.

Garrett: [00:29:26] I’ll let you go first. Yury.

Yury: [00:29:27] You only get to pick one item. Uh, I’m going to say, I mean, you know, the second amendment flag. So, I guess fucking Beretta handgun might be possibility, but I’m going to rule that out.

Garrett: [00:29:40] He’s not old enough to own a gun.

James: [00:29:41] I’m not 21 yet. Okay. Well, September,

Yury: [00:29:45] I’m going to go. Can you, okay. Can you give us a number?

How many, how many items would you say are in your pocket right now?

James: [00:29:50] Three.

Yury: [00:29:50] Three items. And they’re your front pockets?

Garrett: [00:29:53] Good. Follow-up

James: [00:29:53] uh, one’s in my front one. One’s in my front, right. One’s in my front left. One’s in my back pocket.

Yury: [00:30:00] Okay. I’m gonna, I’m going to say,

Garrett: [00:30:02] can we take it back pocket out of the, out of the equation,

wallet to wallet?

Yury: [00:30:06] Yeah. I’m going to say, well, Oh, it’s not a wallet.

Garrett: [00:30:10] Well, Yury. That was your guess. Sorry, dude is mine.

Yury: [00:30:13] I’m going to guess chapstick.

Garrett: [00:30:15] All right.

James: [00:30:16] For which pocket?

Yury: [00:30:17] Nope. It doesn’t matter. No, nobody said which pocket. I think if I can just blindly guess one item in either of your front pockets. Yeah. I’m going to say chapstick.

That’s my guess. Garrett. What are your thoughts?

Garrett: [00:30:27] Well, I would have said wallet because he said he had something in his back pocket. Uh, hopefully it’s not meth or crack. Right. So we’re good. There don’t look at, see the look on his face just now, then

Yury: [00:30:38] Suddenly it suddenly started feeling like a deposition.

Garrett: [00:30:40] Do you see that? The backdrop for this conversation.

Yury: [00:30:44] I do see all the meth and crack take to his walls. Yes, I do see that Garrett. So that is plausibility.

Garrett: [00:30:49] Uh, um, I am, I actually think I know something that’s in his pocket because well, he’s my son and if I didn’t know this, then I’d be dumb. I think he’s got a knife in his pocket.

Yury: [00:31:00] Okay. So he thinks the pocket knife. I said chapstick are one of us. Correct?

James: [00:31:07] Yes.

Yury: [00:31:08] Okay. Are both of us correct?

James: [00:31:10] No.

Yury: [00:31:10] Goddammit. Well, he just had the chapstick like then I guess if you had a pocket knife in his

Garrett: [00:31:17] You’re right. You know what you’re up for? You’re probably right. He’s he’s probably right James. It’s the chapstick, wasn’t it?

James: [00:31:22] Yeah.

Garrett: [00:31:23] Dammit. I guess I don’t really know my son the way I thought I did.

Yury: [00:31:30] It would have been really stupid if I would’ve said like, uh, I’m going to go with a 1963 Kennedy, half dollar

James, like, Oh my God. That is correct. How the fuck did you do that? That’s amazing. Oh, wait, it’s a 1964 Kennedy half dollar Wrong again, you were, you were out of the Dumbianna Jones club.

Garrett: [00:31:54] Well, I think that’s just about enough for this week. Uh, thank you to everybody who’s joined us. And again, we’re sorry.

We missed you last time, week and sorry you missed us last week, but, uh, we’re glad we were back this week. Remember, reach out to us on the website dumbweek.com. Follow us on all the social medias at ThisWeekIsDumb. Give us a call on the FANDUMB line. Yury. Do you remember the FANDUMB line number yet?

Yury: [00:32:14] Yeah, it’s a one 77 five fan, a dumb D of the week. Uh, dot com /garrettandyury . That’s a one eight, eight, eight fan dumb that’s F a N D U N B one eight eight eight fan, dumb D U N U M B

Garrett: [00:32:32] U spelled dumb

Yury: [00:32:34] dumb D U M B…

Garrett: [00:32:38] Oh, that’s right. Yury. They can reach out to us on the FANDUMB line, email us. Check us out on the website, dumbweek.com.

Reach out to us on social media and you too, have an opportunity to come play the game with us, fill in the dumb, or even be a guest host. Like I like our guests this week. My son, James, James. Thank you so much for spending the time with us this week.

Yury: [00:32:56] Thanks James.

Garrett: [00:32:58] Remember, please rate the podcast. We appreciate your five-star ratings and write a short review.

Even if it’s like five words or 10 words, it really does help us grow the show. We look forward to seeing you again next week. So with that, Hey. See you next week.

Yury: [00:33:12] See you later, guys.

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