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10. Koalas Are Dicks


This week we are excited to hit double digits and launch Episode #10! To celebrate this Garrett and Yury talk about Farting on people in church, a high speed chase because of the theft of Little Caesars Pizza and our Dummy of the week. Who is the dummy of the week?  Listen to the end to find out!

Follow us on all social media @ThisWeekIsDumb and check out our new website https://dumbweek.com. You can also call us on the FAN DUMB line at 888-FAN-DUMB and we just might use your voicemail on our next episode!

Email us: garrett@dumbweek.com or yury@dumbweek.com

Episode Transcript

Voice Over: [00:00:00] It’s time for the this week is dumb podcast. A chance for you to disconnect from reality for a bit and hear about some of the dumb things that we found this week. Now, here are your hosts, Garrett and Yury.

Garrett: [00:00:14] Hi everybody. Welcome. This is episode number 10 of this week is dumb. Uh, thank you all for coming back and joining us yet again for another week of. Oh, I don’t know. Just the dumbest things that we could possibly find joining me as always this week. Uh, my other dummy Yury. Hey man, what’s up?

Yury: [00:00:31] What’s up everyone. Thanks for coming back for another week.

Garrett: [00:00:33] Yeah, always a fun time. When we get to get to sit down and talk, um, you know, Uh, if you haven’t had a chance to do so, we would appreciate if you would take the time to like, and rate and smash the subscribe button, all those things you do when it comes to a podcast, just, uh, you know, leaving us reviews on the Apple podcast store or wherever you get your podcasts from really does help us grow.

And actually writing out a review helps us even more. So take some time, do that, make sure you follow us on all the social medias at this week is dumb. Our new website, dumbweek.com. You can sign up and join other fans to talk about our show and catch up on all the back episodes.

Yury: [00:01:10] Basically everything Garrett just said, ditto,

Garrett: [00:01:12] I love how much you contribute to the podcast, man. I always appreciate you. I hope you know that.

Yury: [00:01:16] Hey. These dittos don’t come cheap.

Garrett: [00:01:17] Alright, So Yury, uh, the first story that I wanted to talk about this week, just I think the title of this story really says it all. And the title of this story is pastor accused of farting on his congregation’s face, says it is a demonstration, of God’s power.

Yury: [00:01:33] Can you, can you say that one more time?

Garrett: [00:01:35] Sure. I’d be happy to pastor accused of farting on his congregations face says it’s a demonstration of God’s power.

Yury: [00:01:44] He was not.

Garrett: [00:01:45] Oh no. This is a legitimate story, dude. This pastor says his methods are absolutely justified. And this came out because recently a bunch of photos emerged on social media

Yury: [00:01:56] There’s photos?

Garrett: [00:01:57] Oh, there are photos.

Yury: [00:01:58] This man was farting on people’s faces? In the, in the name of God?

Garrett: [00:02:02] In the name of the father, the son and the Holy spirit. No, like this guy is actually sitting on his people’s heads and then farting.

Yury: [00:02:12] There’s pictures of him sitting on heads?

Garrett: [00:02:14] There is pictures of him sitting on people’s heads and farting.

And so one of the attendees. Uh, apparently posted these photos with a complaint that said,  When we come to church, it’s because we need prayers not to be farted on.

Yury: [00:02:26] You know, I wish I could have been there when the, when he brought this idea up to the congregation, uh, let us all bow our heads. Heavenly father.

We ask that for the following 10 minutes, as I fart on everyone’s head, please bless the gasses as they emit onto the heavenly foreheads. Amen. Everyone’s kind of opening one eye  going, I’m sorry, what was that?

Garrett: [00:02:47] I mean, I don’t care where you sit in the realm of your religious beliefs. I don’t think anybody out there would believe that sitting on somebody’s head and farting on them would be a way of showing God’s love,  You know, Yury, I was trying to think back to my, my upbringing because I was raised in the church and I went to a Lutheran church. I never had anybody fart on my head that I can remember .

Yury: [00:03:09] You’ve been going to the wrong church my man.

Garrett: [00:03:11] Apparently I wasn’t experiencing the love of Christ the way it was meant to be, because I didn’t have my head farted on.

Yury: [00:03:16] I wonder what baptism entails though?

Garrett: [00:03:18] I’m trying to think of, of what that could be

Yury: [00:03:21] Bring your baby in, and he shits on you.

Garrett: [00:03:25] I love the way that he finishes, what he’s saying with this. He says, as long as souls are being won into the kingdom of God, he who sits on the throne laughs at his enemies.

Yury: [00:03:36] Through farts.

Garrett: [00:03:37] But which throne is he talking about? Is it the throne in the bathroom? The throne on high or the thrown on his people’s heads.

Yury: [00:03:44] So are you religious? Yeah. We go to church every week and he farts on our heads. We brought little Timmy and he got baptized. Shit all over him. Praise be to God, praise Jesus.

Oh, Holy fart.

Garrett: [00:03:54] Hey Yury.

Yury: [00:03:55] Let me guess. You’d like to play a game?

You know

Garrett: [00:03:56] what? I do want to play a game and, uh, you know, we we’ve, we’ve started this thing now where we’re bringing folks in to play, fill in the dumb with us on weeks where we don’t have a full-time guest host. Full-time guest hosts is that a thing? Joining us today for fill in the dumb, please welcome Chelsea.

Chelsea, how are you?

Yury: [00:04:13] Thanks for coming on.

Chelsea: [00:04:14] I’m  doing well. Thanks for having me.

Garrett: [00:04:17] And so Chelsea tell us are, you’re obviously a fan of the podcast because you reached out to us that you said you wanted to be a part of it.

Chelsea: [00:04:23] I particularly like starting my week off with just some mind-numbing information. It always makes me feel smarter.

So it’s a good way to start off the Monday. Um, I, you know, main reason I listen is because I really liked being called a Dumbledore. You know, big Harry Potter fan. So I’m, I’m, I’m a big, I want that to be the official fan name.

Yury: [00:04:44] We have one vote for a Dumbledore.

Garrett: [00:04:46] Now, Chelsea, you made the comment that you enjoy starting your week off with mindless information. Are you saying that because Yury and I are just spouting off and we’re a bunch of mindless fools, or are you talking about the stories that we bring you?

Chelsea: [00:04:57] A little bit of both. But we’ll say the stories.

Garrett: [00:05:00] That’s fair. I accept that.

Yury: [00:05:02] Speaking of stories, since you’re here, Chelsea, uh, I think we should roll right into the game.

On a scale of one to 10. How catchy is that jingle?

Chelsea: [00:05:18] 14.

Yury: [00:05:19] Yeah, I do sing it in my sleep.

Chelsea: [00:05:20] Now it should be a ringtone.

Yury: [00:05:22] It’s going to be a ringtone and it’s going to be sold on our merch store.

Garrett: [00:05:24] Along with our t-shirts, which we’re currently designing,

Chelsea: [00:05:27] On Fiverr?

Yury: [00:05:28] Fiverr, which is also where we got the, uh, the jingle. The merch store that does not exist yet, which by the way, Fiverr if you’d like to sponsor our podcast, please reach out to us.

 Anyways, it’s another week. It’s another Monday. It’s another guest host. It’s another Garrett and frankly it’s been a spiritual week for me. So it really it’s a new me as well. Uh, we are going to play another round of fill in the dumb Chelsea. I’m sure you are aware of the rules and regulations of the game. I’m going to read actual headlines from recent news articles from the previous week.

I’m going to leave one word blank and I’m gonna leave it up to you and Garrett through process of elimination. To try and determine which one is accurate.

Chelsea: [00:06:08] I’m in.

Garrett: [00:06:08] Let’s go. What are you waiting for?

Yury: [00:06:10] Starting off question number one. After closing, due to a toxic spill, a high school in Vermont was relocated to blank.

And your possible answers are an abandoned subway station, a used car dealership lot. Or a Macy’s department store, Chelsea being the guest. I will start with you.

Chelsea: [00:06:32] I actually went to school in Southern Utah. And in my freshman year we ran out of student housing and we actually had our dorm set up in a department store. So that seems very logical for a school.

Um, it was a subway, department store or a used car lot.

Yury: [00:06:51] It was an abandoned subway station, a used car lot, or a Macy’s department store.

Chelsea: [00:06:56] I’m going to go with Macy’s department store because I have actually slept in a Macy’s department store as a dorm. So I believe C.

Yury: [00:07:04] And I, I have also slept in a Macy’s department store, but for completely unrelated reasons.

And I just got off probation for that.

So Garrett, over to you after closing, due to a toxic spill a high school in Vermont, relocated to car lot, abandoned subway station, Macy’s.

Garrett: [00:07:21] All right. So we know the school closed. Did it say why the school closed?

Yury: [00:07:25] Toxic spill.

Garrett: [00:07:26] Toxic spill.

Yury: [00:07:26] And in fact, they were closed. They were closed for about six months before they decided to reopen in this particular place.

Garrett: [00:07:33] Interesting.

So they’re closed after a toxic spill. I wonder if it had anything to do with the pastor farting around there?

Yury: [00:07:39] Could have been,

Garrett: [00:07:40] Or baptizing people.

Yury: [00:07:41] Could have been.

Garrett: [00:07:42] Um, so we’ve got an abandoned subway station and this was in where?

Yury: [00:07:47] Vermont

Garrett: [00:07:49] Vermont does Vermont even have a subway system.?

Yury: [00:07:51] Doesn’t everybody in the East coast have a subway system. I think the West coast is generally a non subway kind of thing.

Garrett: [00:07:58] Well, I mean, we, we have, we have the Metro here in LA, but I mean, is that really a subway? I dunno.

Yury: [00:08:03] Anyway, is that really functional?

Garrett: [00:08:05] I mean, it’s where the homeless go to pee. Uh, subway station, a used car lot. Or a Macy’s department store. I actually am going to lean towards a used car lot. And I’m going to hope it’s a used car lot, that was an indoor used car lot. You didn’t really specify. And I guess I could have asked it as a follow on question, but I’m just going to take a guess and lock in and say, I think it was a used car lot.

Yury: [00:08:28] Well, as always, Garrett is incorrect and Chelsea’s beginner’s luck. Students who once shopped at a downtown mall in Burlington are now attending high school. They’re in a former Macy’s department store. What’s interesting about this is they keep talking about gleaming white tile floors. And now I have to say, I did look at pictures and it’s kind of bizarre, Now, Chelsea you said you, you attended

Chelsea: [00:08:49] Yeah, I lived in a department store for six months.

Yury: [00:08:51] Wow. So did they put up like temporary walls, like partitions, right.

Chelsea: [00:08:55] Think of it like the hospital curtains.

Yury: [00:08:57] Interesting.

Chelsea: [00:08:57] And in college there, there was it, wasn’t doing much!

Yury: [00:09:01] Chelsea’s beginner’s luck. She takes the point on that one.

Moving on to the second question. Three students at the university of Wisconsin were given citations after stealing a blank and your possible answers are.  Campus statue, a pine tree or 4,000 pallets of number two pencils. Garrett. We’re going to bounce it over to you first.

Garrett: [00:09:25] All right. So three college students.

So let’s, let’s think about the fact that it’s Wisconsin first stealing either a campus statue, a pine tree, or you said 4,000 number two pencils?

Yury: [00:09:38] Four Thousand pallets, of number two pencils.

Garrett: [00:09:41] How many pencils are in a pallet Yury? That’s my followup question.

Yury: [00:09:44] I don’t know, but I just heard on the news, someone mentioned, you know, number one, pencils, must’ve been really unpopular and the second generation just kind of stuck and they don’t want to go from, they don’t want to perfect it any further. They found a winner.

Garrett: [00:09:54] I was gonna say. And why haven’t they improved on the number two? Like where’s the number three and the number four. I just don’t get it.

Yury: [00:09:59] Where it was the number one. I’ve never saw it come to market.

Garrett: [00:10:02] I have never seen a number one pencil either. Okay. A campus statue seems like it’s just far too obvious of an answer. It seems like. That it’s just too easy. Like that just makes sense. 4,000 pallets of number two pencils. It’s an oddly specific number, which makes me think you made that up as well. And so I’m going to process of elimination. I have to say a pine tree because it’s Wisconsin and they love their pine trees.

Yury: [00:10:24] Is that what they’re known for? Pine trees, loving pine trees

Garrett: [00:10:26] I don’t know man. I don’t even know where Wisconsin is on a map.

Yury: [00:10:28] Touche man and a hundred percent. If you gave me a thousand dollars, I couldn’t point it out on a map. Moving it over to Chelsea. Garrett locks in with pine tree Chelsea, three students at the university of Wisconsin, given citations after stealing campus statue, pine tree, 4,000 pallets of number two pencils. What do you think?

Chelsea: [00:10:44] All right. So 4,000 pallets of numbers

Yury: [00:10:48] I’m going to interrupt you. I’m waiting for Chelsea to say, you know, back in high school, we did steal 4,000 pallets. of number two pencils.

Garrett: [00:10:54] And that was right before you went to sleep at the Macy’s. Right?

Yury: [00:10:58] That’s that’s why she had to sleep at the Macy’s because it was like a lockdown jail.

Chelsea: [00:11:02] Yeah. That’s exactly it. You found me out. I’m actually on the run right now.

Yury: [00:11:06] We’re on to you Chelsea. We are on to you!

Chelsea: [00:11:08] Uh, so with the 4,000 pallets, that just seems, you know, I know what a pallet, like how big a pallet is from making bonfires out of them. So I’m going to say 4,000 pallets that, that don’t, can’t be it, but my followup question is what was the statue of?

Garrett: [00:11:25] Ooh, that’s a good one.

Yury: [00:11:27] That’s good. It was a George Washington statue in the main library quad. I either read that just now or made it up.

Garrett: [00:11:36] I was going to say, I think I want to change my answer now, but I, since I can’t Chelsea, you go ahead.

Chelsea: [00:11:41] So I’m going to say the statue, just because a pine tree there’s a million of them. And I mean, even though I think of Wisconsin for cheese and making a murderer, I don’t think pine tree is like the thing.

Yury: [00:11:54] Oh, that’s such a good show.

Garrett: [00:11:55] I didn’t realize cheese made murders,

maybe I missed something there.

Yury: [00:11:58] Have you not watched the show Garrett?

Garrett: [00:12:00] I have, but I think I might’ve been drunk while I watched it, so I don’t remember much of it.

Yury: [00:12:04] Well, considering it was like 16 episodes. That’s a long time to be drunk.

Garrett: [00:12:07] Hey man, COVID

Yury: [00:12:08] Well, let me tell ya. In Wisconsin, police are stumped by the theft of a rare plant in November from the university of Wisconsin Arboretum. Uh, this pine tree was planted in 1988 and it was a 25 foot. Algonquin pillar Swiss mountain pine.

Garrett: [00:12:26] I’m sorry. Can you say that again? I’d like to hear what kind of tree that was, again,

Yury: [00:12:28] it was a 25 foot Algonquin pillar, Swiss mountain pine.

Garrett: [00:12:33] Hey, can I just say that as two weeks in a row where I’ve gotten one, right.

Thank you very much.

Yury: [00:12:37] Let me tell you. I want to go into a home Depot and say, do you guys have I’m looking for a 25 foot Algonquin pillar Swiss mountain pine?

Garrett: [00:12:44] And do you have some plywood that I could possibly build a submarine to transport it in?

Yury: [00:12:47] Exactly. Each student was cited $200

Garrett: [00:12:50] They don’t care that much about it.


Yury: [00:12:52] don’t want you to steal a tree, but they don’t care that much about it. It’s not that big of a deal steal off the trees you want. As long as you have 200 bucks. Well, that’s amazing Garrett. You got another one, right! Chelsea. He doesn’t get very many right. Often.

Chelsea: [00:13:03] Yeah, I’ve noticed.

Yury: [00:13:04] So Garrett takes the point on that one.

Garrett: [00:13:05] But, let’s be honest though. Let, let’s be super honest with everybody. Chelsea is still in the lead because she is the guest. And by default, she gets an extra five points before the game even starts, which I still haven’t quite figured out Yury because if we only have three questions in the game and you’re giving the guests an extra five points to start with, do I even have a chance to win?

Yury: [00:13:23] Well, no, because I give out five points to the guests at the beginning of each game and you only need five points to win,

Garrett: [00:13:28] But there’s only three questions.

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Yury: [00:14:10] Moving onto the third question, a man was arrested at the San Diego zoo after he blank.

Again, man was arrested at the San Diego zoo. After he

Garrett: [00:14:20] Farted on an animal’s head?

They’re not a religious zoo Garrett. He was arrested for A, he attempted to steal a koala bear, B fed the tigers, vegan meat in protest of animal rights, or C took his toddler into an elephant enclosure for a photo op and Chelsea, we’re going to start with you for the final question.

Chelsea: [00:14:41] Ooh. Okay. So my follow-up question is this the, the wildlife zoo or just like the general San Diego park?

Yury: [00:14:50] It’s the general San Diego park.

Garrett: [00:14:52] Do you know that? Do you know that for sure. Yury? Are you just making shit up?

Yury: [00:14:56] I mean, who knows at this point, this all could be once upon a time. Who knows.

Chelsea: [00:14:59] All right. So

Garrett: [00:15:01] Did that answer help you formulate your answer better? Chelsea?

Chelsea: [00:15:04] It’s the mo… It’s the motivation I needed. Um, so koalas are dicks. Um,

Garrett: [00:15:13] I’m sorry, I’m going to have to stop you right there. Whoa, Whoa. Hold on a second.

Yury: [00:15:17] Spoken from a true animal lover.

Garrett: [00:15:19] How do you know that koalas are dicks?

Yury: [00:15:22] I’m sure. There’s a story behind this. Chelsea. We’d love to hear it.

Chelsea: [00:15:25] Okay. One, they have syphilis and they can give you syphilis just by touching you.

Yury: [00:15:30] I’m going to need you to elaborate on that one, Chelsea.

Garrett: [00:15:32] Yeah. Let’s, let’s keep digging in. I feel like I’m going a YouTube rabbit hole here. Go ahead. So we’ve gone from koalas or dicks. They now have syphilis.

Chelsea: [00:15:40] No, this is like a scientific fact, like koalas have like carry syphilis, like a rare strain of syphilis that they can give to you just from like touching you. So it’s one, not a good idea. If you ever go to like one of those places and they say like, hold this cute koala, you can get syphilis from it and have fun. Explaining that to your partner.

Yury: [00:15:58] A great conversation though. I swear to God, I wasn’t cheating on you. We went to the zoo. I touched a koala bear. If you want to know more information, I have Chelsea’s number. You can call her

Chelsea: [00:16:08] Send an anonymous text. Go type into a search engine, wet koala and tell me it’s not the most terrifying thing. No, like koalas are not good animals.

Yury: [00:16:19] Hmm. Okay. We’re going to do this

Garrett: [00:16:20] People also ask what does wet koala sex mean?

Yury: [00:16:25] Dude, this is the most frightening image. Oh, there. Oh my God.

They’re hideous looking.

Chelsea: [00:16:30] Yeah.

Yury: [00:16:30] It looks like.

Chelsea: [00:16:31] So tell me why you would want to steal that?

Yury: [00:16:33] Well, You just would never allow it to get wet. Just keep it dry.


Garrett: [00:16:36] that one of the gremlin rules too, wasn’t it? The gremlins where he couldn’t get them wet and you couldn’t feed them after midnight are koalas the same?

Yury: [00:16:42] I think the movie was based off of koalas.

Chelsea: [00:16:44] You can’t get them wet, you can’t touch them.

Yury: [00:16:45] Wow. This is, this is, uh, the more, you know, yeahthis took a turn.

Chelsea: [00:16:49] Anyways. Koalas are dicks. No one wants to steal one. So I’m going to say the koala, definitely not. So it’s down to the vegan meat or the elephant enclosure.

Yury: [00:16:59] Correct.

Chelsea: [00:17:00] Now. Am I allowed a second follow-up question?

Yury: [00:17:03] You can have as many followup questions as you’d like.

Chelsea: [00:17:05] Is it beyond the meat as the substitute meat or was it a different version?

Yury: [00:17:09] It was impossible meat.

Chelsea: [00:17:11] Cause that makes a difference.

Garrett: [00:17:12] Does it. Why? Wait, I’m sorry. Why does that make a difference?

Yury: [00:17:15] Yeah, how does it make a difference?

Chelsea: [00:17:16] Some of them are really nasty, like, well, here’s the problem is we watch one of those Netflix documentaries of like why eating meat is bad for you, why it’s killing all these wonderful animals.

And then we switched to try to be vegan for like two minutes there. No. Um, the impossible burger is absolutely disgusting and I smothered it in barbecue sauce.

Garrett: [00:17:37] Hopefully that was barbecue sauce from our sponsor double smoked barbecue.

Chelsea: [00:17:41] Yes. A hundred percent. Except, I wouldn’t waste that barbeque sauce.

Yury: [00:17:46] Beyond meat. It’s pretty good and I am not vegan, but the beyond meat tacos at Del taco, I’m not sure where you’re calling from Chelsea, but in California, we have a Del taco. It’s delicious.

Chelsea: [00:17:56] I’m in Las Vegas and Del taco is probably one of my favorites

Yury: [00:18:01] the best. Uh,

Garrett: [00:18:03] so can we get back to the game here? 

Chelsea: [00:18:04] So I’m going to say the elephant enclosure, cause that seems the most likely.  A lady wandered into a Jaguar enclosure. So why not an elephant? So I think that, you know, it’s all about the Instagram photo.

Yury: [00:18:15] So per Chelsea, nobody wants syphilis, vegan meat is disgusting, but terrible fathers are a thing.

And over to you, Garrett incorrect answer garrett.

Garrett: [00:18:26] Is that my new name? Did you just give me a nickname?

Yury: [00:18:28] Incorrect answer, Garrett.

Garrett: [00:18:28] Can we get a Fiverr jingle for that please?

Yury: [00:18:31] I’m sure you can get a Fiverr jingle for anything.

Garrett: [00:18:32] Okay. Uh, so it’s the San Diego zoo and Chelsea said that koalas are dicks. Okay. Uh, vegan meat to tigers and toddler, you know, while I agree with you and I’m sorry, is it because a, did you say a  father, uh, put his toddler in an elephant enclosure?

Yury: [00:18:52] Correct.

Garrett: [00:18:53] Just a parent.

Yury: [00:18:53] Father took his toddler into an elephant enclosure for a photo.

Garrett: [00:18:57] I actually think it’s vegan meat to tigers. And I’ll tell you why. I think that if you get just the right amount of crazy in you and I could absolutely see somebody going into the zoo and feeding a tiger vegan meat, just to make a stance for their veganism. So I’m going to lock in with the vegan meat, to the tigers.

Yury: [00:19:16] Garrett, once again, locks in with an incorrect answer. After a father was arrested on suspicion of child endangerment after he carried his two year old daughter into the elephant habitat at the  San Diego zoo to take a photograph with the animal.

So basically they go in and the elephants start charging them, elephants, trumpeting it away and like stampeding towards them. He threw his kid back to safety and then barely jumped over the fence in time to not be mauled by elephants and now being held $100,000 bail. Had he just stuck to stealing pine trees. He would have been fine.

Garrett: [00:19:50] If I’ve learned anything from our fill in the dumb segment this week. It’s that koalas are dicks and don’t ever look up a picture of a wet koala.

Yury: [00:19:58] Everybody listening right now is Googling wet koala.

Garrett: [00:20:02] We’re going to go look on trending Google searches and it’s going to be wet koala.

And the other thing I learned is that fathers are dicks as well. And we like to get pictures of our kids in stupid places and get arrested for it.

Yury: [00:20:12] I’ve taken my kids to the zoo several times and yeah. I always keep them right by my side. And it’s so mind-boggling because on YouTube, you’ve seen these videos where people are like trying to crawl over fences into like tiger enclosures.

Like what the fuck are you doing?

Garrett: [00:20:26] What is going through people’s minds when they do shit like that? Like seriously, what, what are they thinking at that exact moment? Oh, I got to get the next viral selfie of me being eaten by a tiger!

Yury: [00:20:35] There’s lessons learned and lessons earned.

Garrett: [00:20:37] Well, I hate to say it Yury, but it sounds like once again, I didn’t win as usual.

Yury: [00:20:42] Obviously, uh, I’m pretty used to this being the 10th episode. You have a streak for losing, which is why I like bringing on guests hosts. Again, Chelsea, you are the winner. If you didn’t know, we created a GIF uh, that you can proudly post on whatever things you post on. Exclaiming you as the winner of this week’s fill in the dumb

Chelsea: [00:21:01] woo.

Garrett: [00:21:03] She sounds really excited about that Yury.

Yury: [00:21:12] I want to say thank you to Chelsea for calling in today for our fill in the dumb game. Again, she is the 10th. Episode winner for fill in the dumb Garrett 10th episode loser. Thanks again, Chelsea. Appreciate it.

Chelsea: [00:21:24] Thanks for having me guys.

Garrett: [00:21:25] So Yury, uh, you know, now that Chelsea’s gone, I have to tell you that I was looking things up because I honestly didn’t believe her when she said that about the koalas. And so I looked it up and Chelsea, I may have to take your trophy away for this week because you were wrong. They don’t have syphilis. It’s actually. Chlamydia. So sorry.

Yury: [00:21:44] Um, so, so there’s no syphilis with koalas, the damn chlamydia infested koala population. It’s a thing.

Garrett: [00:21:52] If it’s not a thing, it is now.

Taking us over to Orem Utah.

A man is facing a wide range of charges after police say. He stole pizza and breadsticks from a little Caesar’s restaurant, threatened to slit the throat of the manager when confronted and subsequently led police on a high-speed chase all over the city.

Yury: [00:22:12] He sold pizza? Like he walked in and put a knife up to their neck and stole pizza.

Garrett: [00:22:16] Yeah.

I mean, that’s exactly what happened. He said, Hey. Pizza pizza. And then he just took it and ran off and they chased him. I get it. You don’t want people to steal from a store and you want them to be responsible. But according to the police, this 30 year old guy, or had ordered food at little Caesars, but he got mad because he had to wait because the store was super busy.

So now. He says, you know what, fuck this. I want my pizza pizza. And so he goes back in, goes behind the counter grabs, not one, but two pepperoni, pizzas and orders of breadsticks leaves the store and says peace out. I’m helping myself.

Yury: [00:22:48] He basically stole like $11 worth of stuff. Cause if he, if he grabbed pizzas that were already ready, aren’t aren’t those the hot and ready ones from little Caesars.

They’re five bucks.

Garrett: [00:22:56] Exactly.

Yury: [00:22:57] So he stole like $12 worth of product. He went on a high speed police chase through the city for 12 bucks.

Garrett: [00:23:02] So the cashier when the guy stole this tells their manager, Hey, this just happened. This guy just stole this food. So the manager thinking, you know what, it’s not a dude with a chain saw

so I’m going to go after him, goes into the parking lot and confronts the guy about the food he stole.

Yury: [00:23:15] Over a  pizza come on?

Garrett: [00:23:16] No, not just a pizza Yury. Two pizzas and two breadsticks, come on now. Get it right.

Yury: [00:23:20] What employee is chasing after someone for stealing two pizzas?

Garrett: [00:23:24] Oh, this manager was very dedicated to their job.

Yury: [00:23:26] You know, what’s funny  little Caesar’s  probably fired this guy.

Garrett: [00:23:29] Probably don’t, you know, our policy is to not go after people. If they steal something,

Yury: [00:23:33] Somebody says, give me the pizza or you die. Just give them the pizza man.

Garrett: [00:23:36] Exactly. So what happened then is. This person is outside, gets confronted by the manager. The person then basically screams at the manager. I won’t read the entire thing because it’s pretty vulgar. And you know, we try to keep things fucking clean on this podcast, but at the end of it, it says, shut your motherfucking mouth, or I will slit your fucking throat. I will fuck you up. I will find you and watch you.

So we still haven’t figured out how this came into a police chase yet. Right? So we’ve got the manager,

Yury: [00:24:02] I imagine a 911 call was placed.

Garrett: [00:24:04] Exactly. Right. So the manager goes back in the store locks, the doors the dude takes off. And the article says in a 2016 silver Chevy Malibu. So hold on. Why do we need to know that this is a 2016 Chevy Malibu? Can they not just say the guy took off in a car?

Yury: [00:24:20] Why wouldn’t the police want to know what kind of car though?

Garrett: [00:24:22] Well, the police want to know, but why do I care if I’m reading the article?

Yury: [00:24:24] That’s true.

Garrett: [00:24:25] It doesn’t make any sense to me.

Yury: [00:24:26] What color was the interior?

Garrett: [00:24:27] Uh, I think it was white with purple stripes.

Yury: [00:24:29] Well, that’s pertinent information.

Garrett: [00:24:32] I guess, so.

Yury: [00:24:32] The people want to know.

Garrett: [00:24:33] A while later a police officer was heading West, noticed the car pass by, that had been reported and the officer was trying to make out the car’s license plate number. Couldn’t really make it out because the person was driving so fast so, the officer flips around, follows this guy in the car, which was driving as fast as 70 miles per hour on this street and this isn’t a highway. This is like a residential type street.

Yury: [00:24:54] School zone.

Garrett: [00:24:55] Yeah, exactly. Chasing this person all the way around because of the speeds that they were traveling at, the officer’s actually stopped the pursuit. So they made the right choice and they said, you know what? It’s a couple of pizzas. We’re just going to let this dude go. And they decided to just let them go. However, It gets better.

Yury: [00:25:09] Why is every part of your story? However, and then, funny you should ask.

Garrett: [00:25:14] It’s like a salesman, but wait, there’s more, uh, eventually an officer saw him driving by again, and at this point he was able to stop and arrest the guy after he purposefully ran into the Malibu, this, the car that he was driving on the street.

So an officer. Pit maneuvered him or whatever. Like, you know, I don’t know if that’s what that’s, I think that’s what they call it. Right. The pit maneuver, when you like stop somebody?

Yury: [00:25:35] Yeah,the pit maneuver.

Garrett: [00:25:36] So he was able to arrest him and the very first thing out of the officer’s mouth. Do you know what he asked him?

Yury: [00:25:41] Do you want cheese with that extra cheese?

Garrett: [00:25:42] No, but that would have been great. The first thing he said, sir, do you know how fast you were going?

Yury: [00:25:46] I don’t know. I just robbed this little Caesar’s and trying to get out of here. You were behind me. I was freaking out.

Garrett: [00:25:49] And finally, just to tie everything up. Of course, the guy’s now arrested. So what’s the, what is the cop going to do? They’re going to search the car, right? Want to take a guess what they found in the car?

Yury: [00:25:59] Half a pizza and meth.

Garrett: [00:26:00] That is correct. Half a pizza methamphetamine and a glass pipe that had tested positive for meth residue.

Yury: [00:26:05] Shocking.

Garrett: [00:26:06] So I think the moral of the story here is pizza good, meth, bad.

Yury: [00:26:11] Right? And if you can steal it in 30 minutes or less, It’s free.

Garrett: [00:26:14] I don’t think that was little Caesars. I think that was Domino’s wasn’t it?

Yury: [00:26:17] Well, the methed up Dominos sure.

Garrett: [00:26:19] Do you remember that Domino’s pizza commercial? That they would never air these days, but it was a husband and a wife and she said, or the husband says, Hey, I just ordered a pizza from Domino’s.

It’s going to be here in 30 minutes or less. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? And the wife looks at him and she says, yeah, but what are we going to do with the other 28 minutes?

Yury: [00:26:35] Womp womp womp.

All right. Well, To close off our show. I have another person that I’d like to nominate for the dummy of the week.

Voice Over: [00:26:42] It’s time for the Dummy of the week, oh who will it be? Let’s Find out!

Yury: [00:26:51] Dummy of the week, takes us over to New York, where two men who worked as autopsy technicians, basically they, they worked for the coroner’s office and they do the autopsies and stuff. These two men were arrested by the FBI because they were stealing credit cards from dead bodies. That were taken to the mortuary. Not only were they stealing credit cards, but they were racking up thousands of dollars in charges.

Garrett: [00:27:13] So these people are basically the, these folks have passed away for a number of different reasons. We don’t know what the reason is. They’re entrusted to these folks and these bastards are stealing their credit cards and racking up huge bills on them.

Yury: [00:27:27] They’re stealing credit cards.  The article goes on to say that the FBI said that they use the credit and debit cards from four dead people to make nearly $6,500 in purchases, including a flight from Newark, New Jersey to Florida, they also bought an air conditioner. Get this kicker. They also used the stolen credit cards to pay a parking ticket.

Garrett: [00:27:46] And hence the dummy of the week.

I want to clarify something with you. They have all these stolen credit cards they’re buying. All this shit on these credit cards and somebody has the genius idea of, Oh fuck. I didn’t pay that parking ticket. I better go do that real quick. Damn it. I left my debit card at home. Do they take Bitcoin No, they don’t take Bitcoin or, you know what? I’m just going to go use this credit card that I stole from corpse 13.

Yury: [00:28:07] I think the lesson here is, you know, when you die, if you don’t have any credit cards on you, keep them in the safe at home.

Garrett: [00:28:12] Is that the lesson here?

Yury: [00:28:14] Or don’t pay parking tickets with stolen credit cards?

Don’t steal. How about that? We’ll just do, we’ll sum it up. Don’t steal be a good person.

Garrett: [00:28:19] Don’t steal. Be a good person. That’s fair.

Voice Over: [00:28:21] That

Garrett: [00:28:22] was dummy of the week.

So I think we learned three things this week. Pizza’s good. Meth is bad and don’t steal.

Yury: [00:28:30] And koalas have chlamydia.

Garrett: [00:28:31] And koalas have chlamydia, sorry, four things.

Yury: [00:28:33] Correct. I think that’s good. I think we’ve tied tie a bow on it.

Garrett: [00:28:36] That was a lot of fun. Hey, and you know what? This is episode number 10. You know what that means, Yury we’ve hit double digits. 10 weeks now we’ve been putting out content. People have been enjoying it. They’ve been sending us messages. I got another message today from Max on Instagram.

Thanks for your message Max. And I’ll look at that article and see if maybe we can get it into the next week’s episode. One of the things I love about doing this Podcast Yury really is the interaction with our fans, whether it’s coming through the website, through our social media or through the fandom line eight, eight, eight FAN DUMB that’s eight, eight, eight F A N D U M B

Reach out to us, leave your message, have fun with it. We are here to let you be a part of our podcast and just like Chelsea this week. And who did we have last week? Oh yeah. Chris? Yeah, just like Chelsea this week. And Chris from last week, if you want to be a part of our fill in the dumb game, let us know.

We’re looking for guests that want to be a part of the game show. So we would love to have you on.

Yury: [00:29:28] Absolutely. Garrett,

if you’re interested in being a guest host email us, garrett@dumbweek.com or yury@dumbweek.com.

Garrett: [00:29:34] You know what, honestly, though, we can’t thank you enough for, for listening, for spending a little bit of your day with us. We really enjoy bringing this to you and we hope you’re enjoying it as well. So, uh, with that, as Yury said, we’ll tie a bow on this thing and until next time, yeah.

Yury: [00:29:48] Take it easy Dumbledoors.

Garrett: [00:29:49] And avoid koalas.

Yury: [00:29:51] Chlamydia

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